The Many Adventures of Morgan Abank
by Lemon Fresh Pine-Sol
Summary: Morgan Abank was her name. Her father was Robin Abank, and despite that, she wanted to be just like Daddy.
1. Are You My Mother?

_For my memechild.  
_

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**Chapter 1: Are You My Mother?**

Morgan Abank was her name. Her father was Robin Abank, and despite that, she wanted to be just like Daddy. He was the greatest tactician, no, the _greatest man _to ever grace the planet. It was impossible for Morgan to remember anything else besides her name, her father, and her lifelong dream, and straining to remember only left her with frustration and a nasty headache. She was content with only these memories for a while, and took advantage of the royal library to fill the gaps in her brain, but after finishing off a hefty volume on human biology, she had to wonder – who was her mother?

She found Olivia first. The dancer was practicing alone in a secluded forest clearing where Morgan sometimes came to read. Olivia's back was to Morgan, so, to be polite and avoid startling her, Morgan called out to greet her.

"Hey, Olivia!"

Olivia jumped violently and whirled around, and she may or may not have pissed a little. Morgan ignored this and carried on.

"So, Olivia, I've got something I wanna ask you. Are you my mother?"

"Your...m-mother?" Just saying it out loud seemed to make Olivia's face burn hotter and redder than Arcfire. "Whatever gave you that idea? I'm married to Lon'qu, not Robin! How could I possibly be your mother? Unless... Unless..."

Morgan just shrugged and shook her head. "Hey, you never know."

Olivia looked Morgan up and down with a concerned frown. "Sorry, Morgan, but... I don't think I'm your mother."

Morgan encountered Panne on her way out of the forest. She carried a basket full of wild herbs with her. Morgan Abank fell into step with the taguel woman.

"Hi, Panne! Mind if I ask you something?"

"What would you like to know?"

"Are you my mother?"

Panne stopped and regarded Morgan with a curious gaze. "You don't appear to have any taguel blood in you, child."

"Are you sure?" Morgan asked. "Maybe...I got all the recessive traits?"

Panne shook her head. "No, if you were a taguel I'd definitely know," she said. "We have a different scent than humans, and your scent is absolutely human. Not a trace of taguel!"

"Oh, darn! I was thinking it'd be pretty fun to be a bunny like you and Yarne!"

Panne's eye twitched at the word "bunny", but she maintained her collected demeanor. "Get on with you, now. I need to gather all these herbs before dinner. Good luck finding your mother."

So both Olivia and Panne were out. Morgan's next suspect was Cherche, who, as usual, was tending to Minerva. Most of the Shepherds kept out of Minerva's way, as wyverns are generally much more dangerous and unpredictable than horses and the like, but Morgan Abank approached the dragon without a moment's hesitation. That had to mean something, right?

"Cherche! Hey, Cherche!"

Both Cherche and Minerva turned Morgan's way. Morgan approached and casually patted Minerva's snout.

"Nice Minnie! Good Minnie!"

Minerva seemed to scowl with disgust at the nickname.

"What can I do for you, Morgan?" Cherche asked.

"Well, I needed to ask you something," Morgan said. "Are you my mother?"

"...Hmm? Your mother?" Cherche cocked her head, perplexed at the suggestion. "What would make you think that? Robin is not my husband, and I've never had any sort of relations with him."

"Well, yeah, but something could happen," Morgan said. "Besides, Minnie here seems to like me! Don't you think that could mean we're related?"

Minerva snorted and gave Morgan the wyvern equivalent of a massive eyeroll.

"Ah... Well, not particularly, no," Cherche replied. She cracked a smile at Minerva's reaction. "And you're right, things happen in relationships all the time. However, let's just say...your father isn't really my type. I'm almost certain that we are not mother and daughter, Morgan. I'm very sorry!"

Cherche was out as well. Morgan was surprised to hear that the dragon rider didn't consider Robin her "type." Who _wouldn't _want to marry Robin? He was kind, and strong, and intelligent, and a genius, and super cool, and...

Morgan Abank's next maternal candidate was not far off. Sumia was in the nearby stable, brushing her pegasus before dinnertime as she did each and every day. Chrom was with her this time, leaning seductively on the stall door and talking to his wife with a face that practically screamed, "Let's get it on, baby." Not that they could, however, because Morgan bounded over to the stall, certain that Sumia was the chosen one. After all, Morgan had a knack for riding the pegasi, and could skillfully handle them at speeds and heights far too high for safety.

"Hi, Sumia! I've got a question to ask you!"

Chrom seemed annoyed and disappointed at the sudden appearance of his best friend's daughter, but busied himself instead with cleaning up Sumia's pegasus equipment. Sumia, ever the kind and forgiving queen, met Morgan with a smile.

"Hello, Morgan! A question for me? What could it be?"

"Are you my mother?"

Sumia was taken aback at the question, and Chrom's head snapped up from sweeping straw.

"Your mother? I'm very sorry, dear, but I don't think that's the case," Sumia said.

"I don't think it's the case, either," added Chrom. "You're Robin's girl, not mine, and Sumia is my wife. And if you _were _Sumia's daughter... Well, I'd have a few things to say to your father, I think."

Sumia laid her hand on Chrom's arm to soothe him. "There, there, Chrom, it's alright," she said, then turned back to Morgan. "Morgan, why don't you go and see your father? I'm sure he could clear things up for you."

Morgan Abank returned to the castle. Why didn't she ask her father before? She mentally berated herself for being silly and wasting her day. She headed to the library on the ground floor first, but she couldn't find her father anywhere amongst the thousands of books. She checked the tactics room next, but it was dark and empty. The last likely place to find Robin was in his bedroom, which was located right next door to hers. Morgan flung his door wide open.

"Father!"

The last thing she expected – or wanted – to see was her father plunged balls-deep in the royal princess of Ylisse, Lissa. There was an instant of startled, awkward silence before the shouting began.

"Oh, gods!"

"Morgan!"

"SORRY!"

Morgan slammed the door shut, rushed to her room, and slammed that door shut, as well. The image of her father giving Lissa the fucking of a lifetime was etched eternally into the eye of her virgin mind. As she headed to the bathroom to cleanse herself of the wretched experience, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the sink.

Morgan Abank was not stupid. She wasn't stupid, no, but everyone has moments where they don't seem to be the brightest gem in the Fire Emblem. How could she have possibly missed the _color of her hair? _It was plain to see that she was not, in fact, the daughter of Olivia, or Panne, or Cherche, or Sumia, or anyone else, because her hair color matched Lissa's perfectly! And the Brand on her hand – gods, why did she never think of it?

Unable to contain her excitement at having a real, live mother, she burst out of the room. She couldn't wait to deliver the news to her new mommy!


	2. The Big Bang

_Thanks for reading._

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**Chapter 2: The Big Bang**

Sex is a normal, natural part of life, and all children must eventually come to accept that they themselves are the product of such activities. However, the very prospect of one's parents getting freaky oftentimes results in a deep sense of disgust or horror, accompanied by intense cringing. So it was for Morgan Abank, who witnessed her parents doing the deed twice in under five minutes. She took a bath, but a physical cleansing was not enough. She needed a mental purging, as well. A simple stroll was sure to do the trick.

Morgan saw Owain on the way out of her room. But it wasn't just any Owain – it was her _brother _Owain! She decided to tell him the great news.

"Hey, Owain! I've got something _amazing_ to tell you!"

"Something amazing, you say?" said Owain. "Why, I can feel my sword hand twitching with excitement! Tell me!"

"Today I found out Lissa is my mom, too! And that means...you and I are brother and sister!"

Morgan was beaming, but Owain didn't seem all that surprised or excited. In fact, he actually seemed disappointed.

"Morgan," he said, "we've always been brother and sister. Surely you knew that! Everyone does. Your hair is just like Mother's, and the Brand there on your hand... But you have amnesia, don't you? Even so... Gods, did they forget to tell you?!"

Everyone knew? Morgan Abank was not stupid, but the entire castle must have thought her a fool. All day long she asked women who looked nothing like her, "Are you my mother?" Small wonder that no one ever gave her a direct answer – they thought she was stupid! Morgan Abank was a royal idiot!

"You've got to help me, Owain!" Morgan pleaded. Perhaps her brother could help her save face. "I need to remember you and Mom and everything about myself and our family!"

"I will absolutely help!" Owain said. "Just give me until after dinner. I'll make you a special Memory Notebook!"

Dinner was a couple hours away, so Morgan passed the time by hiding away in shame. How mortifying, to not know your own mother or brother. Gods, she'd have to redeem herself somehow, and fast, before word of her idiocy spread. Once mealtime came around, she elected not to sit with her parents at the dinner table, and instead sat with Brady and Yarne. They were good enough company, and didn't seem to know anything about the mother incident.

After dinner, she avoided her mother and father and went straight to Owain's room. He presented her with a notebook that was hand-decorated with sparkles, stickers, and doodles.

"This is it! Your very own Memory Notebook!" Owain showed her his notes. "See, I've written a lot of basic information about you here, and then here I've written some really good memories I have of our family. On these blank pages you can make your own notes and write down anything you think is important!"

Morgan inspected the notebook. The sparkly decorations were crude, but Owain seemed to put a lot of thought into it, so she just accepted it. She skimmed over some of the notes. "Thanks a lot, Owain! I'll be sure to study up on myself!"

Morgan spent the rest of the evening poring over her Memory Notebook.

"Let's see... Birthday? May 5th... Favorite colors? Blue and purple. Favorite food? Bear meat. Least favorite... Veggies? Huh! I don't really mind them now, though..."

Despite spending hours with the notes and straining as much as she could, Morgan Abank could not remember anything. None of her birthday parties, none of the games she played with Owain, none of the five nosebleeds she apparently had in one day, and not a single one of her mother's lullabies. She was upset. However, desperate times called for desperate measures.

In the morning, she met with Owain in the pegasus' pasture to further discuss her memories. Morgan had a plan, and it involved one of the sturdy fence posts.

"Are you sure about this, Morgan? I mean, I want you to recover your memories, too, but... I don't know if you should hurt yourself over this!"

Morgan waved away her brother's concerns. "Listen, it's no big deal, really! I could've done this alone, but I brought you along, you know, for moral support! And more shared memories! Now then, big brother...support me!"

Owain still did not seem completely on board with the idea, but it was too late, because Morgan Abank was already hard at work banging her head on the post. But the rhythm of her banging was infectious, and Owain soon found himself providing "moral support" in the form of passionate hip thrusts into the air and cries of, "Bam! Bam! Bam!" in time with her.

_Bang! _"Bam!" _Thrust!_

_Bang!_ "Bam!" _Thrust!_

_Bang! _"Bam!" _Thrust!_

After several minutes of hardcore headbanging, Morgan stumbled back with an aching skull and a bleeding forehead. She felt rather dizzy, so she sat down in the grass and clutched her throbbing head. Owain joined her.

"Morgan? Are you alright?"

"Well... I mean, I'm in a substantial amount of pain! But I still don't remember anything, either." Morgan sighed and wiped some of the blood from her brow.

"You're bleeding!" cried Owain. "We should get you to Mother right away! She's a healer, she can fix you up!"

"No, no, no, it's fine!" Morgan said, waving his hands away. She quickly stood and brushed the grass from her coat, though her head was still spinning. "I can't see her yet! Not until I remember even one little thing!"

"You're being silly, Morgan! Mother won't mind at all," Owain said. "I bet she'll even want to help you remember things!"

As she tried to sleep, her forehead was itchy and sore, and she suddenly felt a childish sense of longing for her parents' care, but Morgan Abank was adamant that she not see her mother until she recovered at least one memory. She'd prefer to see no one at all, but that was not exactly a valid option with so many people in one place. So many people who would think that she, the daughter of the tactical genius Robin Abank, was stupid. She would show them!


	3. Hypothetically Speaking

**Chapter 3: Hypothetically Speaking**

Morgan Abank's parentage was not her only concern. Like most of the young population, she was also pumped full of heart-thumping, loin-burning, fool-making hormones, and was quite concerned with matters of the heart. The young man who had caught her eye was none other than the sweet-talking buffoon, Inigo. She wasn't entirely sure what so attracted her to him, but she did know that watching him get rejected by girl after girl was tremendously entertaining. They met by chance one day while Morgan was shopping for books for herself and her father.

"Hello, Morgan," Inigo greeted. "You're looking quite lovely today."

Morgan grinned. "Well, thanks, Inigo! You're looking alright yourself!"

Inigo inched closer, wearing that smooth smile that always seemed to net him a painful rejection. "Morgan, how does tea sound? Cake, perhaps?"

Morgan Abank, the youngest, smallest, and most eccentric of the future children, never expected to actually be approached by Inigo for a date, however shallow his intentions. Perhaps he was especially lonely, desperate, or both. Perhaps he'd been dared, or perhaps Morgan had actually won the romantic lottery. Regardless, she figured, a date was a date. However, Inigo was not the only thing in town that had attracted her attention. The brownies in the window of the upscale cafe down the street, the ones with the nuts on top and a light drizzle of caramel, were also looking rather delectable...

"Tea sounds great!"

"Are you free now?" Inigo asked.

"You bet!"

And that was how her date with Inigo began, but, like the budding tactician she was, Morgan Abank was crafting a plan. If executed perfectly, she could get exactly what she wanted from Inigo while also, perhaps, getting Inigo himself.

"So, Inigo, what made you want to take me out today?" she asked, interrupting his stream of terrible pickup lines and pathetic attempts at flirting. "Did someone reject you or what?"

"Yes, actually." Inigo said. "Severa did. And Kjelle, and Lucina, and Noire, and this one redhead I met earlier."

Morgan was dumbfounded, but she shouldn't have been, because it was Inigo. "Well, I can't say...uh... I mean, you certainly have a way with... Inigo, you asked out five women in one day?!"

"The last hour, actually. Want to know how many ladies I asked in the whole day?"

"Er...no. No, that's all I need to know," Morgan replied, smiling sweetly. She may have had a rather large crush on Inigo, but she was a tactician first, an unlicensed businesswoman second, and a horny young adult third. "Inigo, it sounds like you could use some professional help! And lucky you, I've got just the thing – but it'll cost you!"

"Professional help? Trust me, Morgan, you can't break me of this habit."

"Huh? No! I mean that I can help you score more women! Women that actually stay for the whole date!"

"Why would I need professional help? Surely the ladies will eventually fall for my good looks and charm."

"Good looks and charm? Come on, you got rejected five times in ONE HOUR! You know this will be a great deal!"

"Fine," Inigo said. "But nothing over 1500."

Morgan rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "So you've got 1500 on you?"

"...Yes."

Morgan promptly dragged Inigo to the fancy cafe with the equally fancy prices, and insisted that it was where she wished to go. Inigo gave her a pained smile and asked if she was certain, but Morgan Abank put on her best puppy face and fluttered her eyelashes at him. He relented, and 1000 gold later they were enjoying two adorable slices of shortcake and some tea. Inigo's wallet pleaded for mercy, but none would be had.

"So, Inigo, let's talk about your woman problems," Morgan said around that sweet, sweet cake. "What do you do? What do you say? And when, exactly, do they start walking away?"

Inigo explained that there were three types of women: those who endured him, those who avoided him, and those who didn't know him. Those who endured him usually politely declined his requests for dates. Those who avoided him, such as Severa, actively went out of their way to not speak to him, and were hostile when asked out. Those who didn't know him would eventually fall into one of the two previous categories.

"Since you're here, I suppose you just endure my presence," Inigo said.

"Incorrect! I'll have you know I fall into none of those categories," Morgan informed him. "I am your teacher! Your counselor! Your guide! Now, Inigo, tell your teacher. Is there a girl you'd especially like to go on a date with tonight?"

"Well... I've been trying for Severa for weeks now, but she always hits me."

Of course it would be Severa. What was so appealing about her anyway? She had an attitude and she hit Inigo on a regular basis, for Naga's sake. Morgan Abank felt the childish jealousy knotting in her stomach, but she held her tongue. This was business, and she was not a child.

"Well, Inigo, I can make all your dreams come true! I'll get you a date with Severa tomorrow night," Morgan said. "But first we gotta practice. I can't just send you out into the battlefield unprepared, oh, no. I'm gonna teach you how to treat a lady!"

Inigo nodded, but he did not seem to follow. "So... What do we do?"

"I'm saying that this is a practice date! You just act natural and show me how you treat girls on dates. I'll guide you and correct you if you do anything wrong!"

Morgan Abank had Inigo in her grasp now. She could see the beautiful caramel-nut brownies in the display just behind him. But, gods above, her nethers were acting up, and while the brownies were a-calling, she couldn't help but wish she had Inigo in her grasp in a different sort of way. _Patience, Morgan,_ she had to tell herself. The plan was already in action.

"So, Inigo," she said, "say that your hypothetical date has finished all of her tea and cake, but she wants something... a bit _more._" She leaned forward and fluttered her eyelashes a bit. "What do you do?"

"M-more?" Inigo fumbled with the teapot at the center of the table. "More tea?" He poured.

"No- Well, okay, more tea is nice, yeah... But that's not what I'm asking! Your date wants... a brownie. One of those." Morgan pointed past Inigo at the brownies in the display. "Won't you get it for her?"

"Of course!"

Inigo returned momentarily, 300 gold coins poorer and with brownie in hand. As he laid it in front of Morgan, the look on his face said that something had just clicked within his brain.

"Morgan," he said, quite seriously, "are you just doing this so I'll buy you things?"

Perhaps Inigo was smarter than he seemed. Morgan feigned hurt. "Of course not! Why would you even say that about me? I just want to help!"

Inigo looked away, cleared his throat awkwardly, and sat back down. "I... Of course, Morgan, forgive me."

The brownie was gone in record time, and, sweet Naga, was it ever worth it. Morgan Abank felt, however, that achieving Inigo would never be as easy as that. She stood up when she was done, and Inigo followed suit. Once outside, Morgan stuck her arm in his.

"Um, Morgan-"

"Remember, this is just practice," Morgan reminded him. "Now then. Hypothetically... where would you take your date next?"

"Ah, well, hypothetically, um... I would take her to the lake? It's quite lovely if you go at this time of day."

The sun hung low in the sky when they left the cafe. Morgan Abank laid out the basics of not offending women while they walked. That is, don't whistle at women, no kisses on the first date, don't tell them you've loved them all along, and do not, under any circumstances, comment on a stranger's ass unless you want to get beaten down. It was getting quite dark out by the time they reached the lake, and the summer fireflies were beginning to light up.

Morgan leaned into Inigo's arm. "So," she said, "your date thinks this is lovely. And... and she wants you to kiss her! Do you do it?"

Inigo gazed into her eyes, and it wasn't butterflies that began fluttering around in her stomach. No, these were fire-breathing wyverns stirring up a hurricane in her stomach and setting her loins aflame. At last, the moment she secretly thought about in bed at night was to become a reality. Any moment now...

"No. I wouldn't," Inigo replied after a time.

Morgan Abank could have died right then. "W-why not?"

"I mean, I wouldn't want to offend her," Inigo said. "Kissing isn't allowed on the first date, after all. You said so yourself."

Damn. He got her there.

"...That's right! Good job, Inigo! You're learning!" Morgan laughed, but inside she was screaming. She had done this to herself. Damn it all!

Inigo escorted her home to the castle before heading back to town to do god knows what. Probably to flirt with all the night-life ladies using the tips Morgan had handed off to him, that bastard. But the war was not yet over. No, tomorrow, Morgan Abank would team with Severa, and together they would both get what they desired from Inigo.


	4. Money-Back Guarantee

**Chapter 4: Money-Back Guarantee**

Morgan Abank began her day with a hope and a prayer that Inigo might at last notice and accept her genuine (if you could call it that) attraction to him, and that Severa would agree to the terms and conditions of the date night plan. Severa was not an idiot by any means, but she _was _a stubborn teenage girl who also happened to be long past her wit's end with Inigo, so Morgan packed a small satchel of coins to further sweeten the deal in case Severa decided to refuse.

"You won't regret it, Sevvy! Neither of us can possibly lose if we go with this plan!"

Severa folded her arms and regarded Morgan suspiciously. "You promise this isn't some kind of joke or prank? You promise that stupid Inigo will leave me alone if I go?"

"Absolutely!" Morgan jangled the coin pouch for emphasis. "Like I said, you suffer for one night, and then we both benefit forever. Inigo stops bothering you and starts hanging out with me! Everyone lives happily ever after! I guarantee it!"

Severa snatched the satchel away. "Alright. I'll do it. But if Inigo comes knocking any more after today, you're gonna have to pay me triple!"

And that was how Morgan Abank ended up in the bushes outside one of Ylisstol's finest restaurants. There was no way she'd miss Inigo and Severa's friendship finale. Inigo was shuffling about nearby, fussing with his collar and his hair and sucking on a painful amount of mints. Morgan figured he was still holding out for a parting kiss from Severa.

"Morgan, are you sure you want to just... just sit out here? In the bushes?" Inigo's breath was like a winter wonderland. "Isn't that a bit... you know, creepy?"

"Not at all!" Morgan waved his concerns away. "At least, not THAT creepy. Not as creepy as hitting on every girl in the vicinity."

Inigo ignored the jab. "Anyway, I'm just surprised she said yes at all. I mean, I guess I can never speak to her again after this, but..."

"That's just a sacrifice you've got to make if you want a date with her at all," Morgan replied matter-of-factly. Inigo did not need to know that Severa had been bribed with cash.

Eight o'clock arrived, and Severa along with it. Morgan sent the sweaty, nervous Inigo off with a huge grin and a thumbs-up. The couple's table was right in front of the window where Morgan was camped (she had to pull a few strings here and there within the restaurant), with Severa's back to her and Inigo's face plain to see. Oh, it was going to be wonderful. Morgan put up her hood, cracked open her lunchbox, and braced herself for the show.

It was over an hour later when Morgan Abank awoke to Inigo nudging her with his foot. She blinked up at him, still in that warm and sleepy haze. It took several more foot nudges and a noisy cricket nearby to snap her out of it, and she realized that she was in a bush, asleep and drooling a great river down her chin in front of her crush. Drat. She sprang to her feet and gave the offending saliva the sleeve treatment.

"Oh, hey, Inigo! Where's Severa?"

"She went home," Inigo said. Luckily, his eyes were far too sad and downcast to notice Morgan's drool.

"Oh. Ah, um, well, I guess I fell asleep," Morgan said. "Was the whole date that boring or did I miss all the good parts?"

"Oh, you totally missed the good parts," Inigo said. "We both ate our food, occasionally glancing at each other! And she didn't even leave!" He heaved a huge and hopeless sigh. "Come on, Morgy. Let's get you home."

Gloom hung heavy in the air as Morgan and Inigo walked side by side back to the castle. Seeing Inigo with his shoulders slumped and and his smile upside-down really put a damper on Morgan's previously chipper mood. Worse yet, it was all her fault. She cleared her throat and tried to lighten the mood with some conversation.

"So, uh... I mean, at least you got to have a date tonight!"

Perhaps Morgan Abank was an idiot. Inigo only sighed again and shrugged. "I guess so, yes. You know, I never really considered I could be... that unlikeable. The only one who wants to hang out with me is you, and that's only because you're trying to counsel me!"

Morgan Abank was aghast. What began as a fun game of convincing Inigo to buy her things and go on dates with her had spiraled out of control into outright Inigo cruelty. Morgan Abank fucked up. She fucked up, she knew it, and she had to make it right. But how? Confessing her feelings at this point might seem like a stinging jest, and confessing her crimes was just too difficult. But Morgan was Inigo's teacher, his coach, his counseler. And so she counseled him.

"Inigo, that's not true! You're not unlikeable! I like you plenty, anyway," Morgan gave him a little nudge. "I'm not just trying to be your coach forever, you know. I hang out with you because I like your company!"

Inigo turned to her, looking rather unconvinced. "Do you mean that, Morgan? You don't have to make things up just to make me feel better."

"I mean it, Inigo. Really! Also... Don't think I won't pay you back for yesterday."

Inigo seemed surprised. "Yesterday? You mean the tea date?"

Morgan nodded. "You spent a lot of money on me! I know I made you do it, but I can't let you get away with that. I'll pay you back tomorrow. Promise!"

"Thank you, Morgy."

The pair was silent the rest of the way to the castle gates, but it was now a companionable silence – a little shy, a little awkward, yes – but no longer a heavy, depressing silence. When they finally arrived, Morgan touched Inigo's arm lightly, hesitantly.

"Hey, do you wanna stay over tonight?" she asked. She felt her face grow hot as she realized the implications of her request. "Er, y-you can sleep in a guest room, of course! And we can have breakfast in the morning."

Inigo smiled, but he had to politely refuse her offer. "I appreciate you asking, Morgan, but I have some... uh, plans... in the morning. Good night."

That night, in her bed, Morgan Abank was left to think about what she had done like a naughty child. Inigo turned down her offer to stay the night, and Inigo refusing something like that was a terrible sign, indeed. It was now Morgan who needed a teacher, a coach, a counselor, because she was clearly an imbecile as far as the game of romance went. There was only one person who could coach her out of such a deep hole...

Her mother, of course.


	5. Dancing Queen

_Filler to get back in the mood._

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**Chapter 5: Dancing Queen**

When it came down to it, Morgan Abank was awfully shy about discussing her boy problems with her mother. They'd just met, after all. She tried to tell herself that having crushes and being exceptionally horny was perfectly natural and common adolescent behavior, but that didn't make it any less embarrassing to talk about. Never mind that she and Lissa were the same age! However, there was a difference between them, and that was the fact that Lissa was a married woman. She was far more experienced in the ways of men and love and sex than innocent Morgan, and so the little tactician had no choice but to muster all her courage and approach her mother if she ever wanted to speak to Inigo again.

That was what Morgan told herself, but, within the hour, she was pouring her heart out to Brady, not Lissa. Brady was a little rough around the edges as far as mannerisms went, but he was patient, sensible, and kind, and Morgan figured he'd be just as good at fixing emotional boo-boos as physical ones.

"Now, Morg, don't you cry, alright?" Brady passed her a tissue for her tear- and snot-streaked face. "Please! It's contagious."

"Sorry," Morgan sniffled.

"Anyway, ya just gotta remember that Inigo is… sensitive! Y'know? Tender."

"Like you?"

"I am NOT tender!" was Brady's initial reply, but he quickly changed his tune as Morgan's face began to twist up with tears again. "Er- I mean, yeah, Morg! Tender just like me! So just give Inigo some time to heal! I'm sure he's just sad about Severa. If he really likes you, he'll come around!"

Brady was right, but even if Inigo needed time, Morgan still needed to speak to him today, as she promised to pay him back for their tea date. Where exactly Inigo was this morning, however, was a mystery, so Morgan decided to pass the time by heading to the lake with some books to read. She was nearly to her favorite tree when she heard footsteps nearby. Who in their right mind came to the lake this early in the morning? Morgan ducked down behind some bushes and peered out into the clearing.

She nearly gasped aloud at what she saw. The offending lake-visitor was none other than Inigo, scantily-clad and twirling and twisting his body in a way that sent Morgan's tender bits into maximum overdrive. She'd never seen Inigo engage in such… _sensual _behavior before! It was Morgan Abank's lucky day. She stayed in the bushes for a while, watching Inigo's elaborate dance, her loins burning ever-more as time slipped away. More than once she pressed a finger to her delicates just to feel that sweet ache, and more than once she quickly cut it out, telling herself she wasn't _that _naughty of a girl.

It was when Inigo began to pack up and redress that Morgan realized just how long she'd been sitting there, gawking at Inigo and touching her privates despite her best efforts. Morgan Abank was officially a pervert, and, worse, she hardly felt bad about it. She extracted herself from the bushes as casually as possible and approached Inigo, planning to simply play it off as though she'd just arrived.

"Hey, Inigo! Nice moves!"

Drat.

The look on Inigo's face suggested that he was extremely close to death and wet pants, but Morgan ignored this. She plopped a coin pouch right into Inigo's trembling hands.

"Here you go! I promised to pay you back today, remember? ...Hey, you look pretty red! What's wrong?"

Inigo avoided her gaze as he tucked the coins away. "...How much did you see?" His voice was unusually soft.

"Oh, um..." Morgan was having trouble reading his expression. To lie or not to lie? That was the question, but there was no time to ponder the answer, so she told the truth. "A while, actually! I didn't know you could dance, Inigo! You're really good!"

Much to Morgan's disappointment, the compliment did not seem to brighten Inigo's spirits even a little.

"I am not," Inigo said. "My mother was a better dancer than I could ever hope to be. Now, Morgan, sorry to say, but I'm not in the mood to play today, so… Just leave me alone. And don't even think about telling the others what you saw!"

Inigo was clearly very embarrassed, and Morgan felt a little pang of guilt for making him feel that way. She put on her sweetest smile for him.

"Oh, Ini! Don't be that way! I won't tell anybody if you don't want me to, but you're really great!"

Inigo did meet her eyes this time. "...Ini?"

Morgan nodded. "Yeah! Ini! It's a cute nickname, right?"

"Sure..."

"Now, come on, Ini! I know just the thing to cheer you up!"

Despite his protests, Inigo once again found himself at the mercy of the tiny tactician. Morgan Abank dragged him all the way back to her home at the castle, where she made him wait at the gate while she prepared a "surprise." The surprise, of course, was a once-in-a-lifetime chance to ride on Aunt Sumia's pegasus - without permission! The look of utter dread on Inigo's face did nothing to faze Morgan, and they were soon farther above downtown Ylisstol than Inigo ever cared to be.

"Jeez, Inigo, you're holding me too tight!" Morgan wiggled in an attempt to loosen his death-grip, but he didn't let up even a little. "Are you forgetting dating tip number 34? Never squeeze a girl too tightly!"

"No one ever said anything about a date!"

Morgan glanced back at him, looking confused. "Sorry, Inigo, but the wind is too loud! I can't hear you!"

Their leisurely flight of a half-hour ended much too soon for Morgan, and lasted far too long for Inigo. Morgan found it awfully cute that Inigo held her so tightly the entire time, and that he was much too proud to admit that he was afraid. Perhaps it was rude or cruel of her to think so, but, then again, perhaps Inigo was stupid for even agreeing to the flight. His legs were noticeably wobbly when he climbed down from the saddle at the castle gates.

"Thanks for hanging out today, Inigo!" Morgan, still in the saddle, flashed him the brightest, most innocent smile she could muster, as though she was still oblivious to his earlier plight. "Sorry it was kinda boring, but don't worry! I'm getting my own pegasus soon, so we can do this again, but with a lot more cool stunts!"

"C-cool stunts?!" Inigo paled at just the mention. "Gods… Morgan, listen, I..."

"Can't wait?! Me either!" Morgan slapped him heartily on the back. "Now, I'm sure you're a busy man, Inigo, so I'll let you go now! I gotta go ask Mom and Dad if they'll give me some money! Bye!"

And away she went. Inigo stared after her, unsure of just how he ought to feel about the crazy little girl, but he did know that his wallet was full once more, and the ladies of Ylisstol were waiting.


	6. No Free Lunch

_based on the unfortunate true story of when I first tried to get a job_

* * *

**Chapter 6: No Free Lunch**

While Morgan Abank did a good deed by paying Inigo back, she found that the fire of love had burned a considerable hole in her wallet – specifically, her Pegasus Fund. Approaching her parents about love and sex and the proper navigation of adolescent relationships was tricky, embarrassing, and, most times, downright impossible. Asking them for money, however, was a different matter entirely. Requesting her fair share of that sweet, shimmering gold was to Morgan Abank much like a spring breeze – that is, easy, pleasant, and honestly refreshing. The moment she was finished putting Aunt Sumia's stolen pegasus away, Morgan bounded off to find her mother.

Princess Lissa was crouched in the garden, hunting for snakes and frogs to discreetly slip into her husband's pants at dinnertime, or perhaps to enjoy at dessert. Morgan found her quickly, and, because she did have at least some tact, apologized for not seeing her for several days _before_ begging for cash.

"Please, Momma! I really, really want a pegasus, but I spent a lot of my money paying Inigo back for our date!"

Lissa narrowed her eyes quite seriously at Morgan. "A date, huh? With Inigo?"

"Er… Yes?" Morgan hoped that was the correct answer.

Lissa looked more disgusted than Morgan felt comfortable with. "Ugh! That boy is scum! You should've kept your money!" she chided. "He doesn't deserve your kindness."

"Well… Kindness isn't the word, really," Morgan said. "But, um, can we stay on topic, please? Money? For pegasus?"

Lissa seemed reluctant to drop the subject, and (much to Morgan's annoyance) even more reluctant to simply dish out the gold. "You could try and get a part-time job!" she suggested.

A part-time job? The very notion was ridiculous. Morgan Abank was a princess, not a common woman, and work was boring and pointless besides. She was no expert on her own past, sure, but Morgan Abank was certain that when she was younger, Momma and Daddy would fork over the cash any time she needed it. Besides, Lissa was also a princess, and Morgan didn't see _her _working any kind of job. She urged her mother to reconsider.

"But Momma! It's only a little bit! Just, you know, a few thousand..."

Momma did not reconsider, and Morgan was forced to become acquainted with the arduous act of "job searching." She took the honest approach, at least. She'd heard, after all, that there was plenty of money to be had in growing and selling exotic plants on the down-low, but Morgan's thumb was not the slightest bit green (as she'd found out after the Venus flytrap incident). Days and days of applying to jobs without receiving even a single acceptance letter, though, left her considering agriculture once more. The Pega-Fair would be in town next week, after all, and she still needed at least 4000 more gold if she wanted to even think about a _foal._

She was crying about her financial difficulties in the garden when her good friend Lon'quiqui approached her. Like her, Lon'quiqui was not from this timeline, and he was very different from the Lon'qu native to this time. He had much better fashion sense first of all, and his eyebrow game was ridiculously on point every damn day of the week. He carried himself in a way that commanded attention and immediate respect, though Morgan wasn't quite sure how.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, Morgan, and you were here crying all along!" Lon'quiqui said. "Pull yourself together, girl! I've got a favor to ask."

Morgan sniffled and wiped her tears away. "What kind of favor?"

Lon'quiqui pushed a restaurant menu into her hands. "We're short-staffed at the restaurant this weekend and we need someone to man the host stand. Your mom said you needed money, so… Yeah. You better be there at 5 o'clock sharp or you're going to ruin everyone's Valentine dates."

Morgan Abank dressed sharply as per the notes scribbled on the menu. A simple black button-up and black pants, and she looked the part. But could she play it?

"Thank the gods you came, Morgan," Lon'quiqui said when she arrived at the fine sushi restaurant of Yohana – at 4:59, a minute early!

"You're welcome, I guess, but I don't exactly know what I'm doing?"

Lon'quiqui sat Morgan down at the host stand and explained the intricacies of seating customers, which included such mysterious concepts as balancing covers and knowing which tables are free. It all seemed horrendously complicated to poor Morgan, who was only used to killing people in real wars and playing board games with her father. She was sweating like a hippo when the first customer arrived.

"I'll show you this first time," Lon'quiqui said, "but after this you gotta do it on your own."

The way Lon'quiqui greeted the customers and led them to their table was so… eloquent, so professional, that Morgan feared she may never match that level of customer service. When the second customers arrived, Lon'quiqui was already in the back chopping up sushi, so Morgan Abank had to go it alone.

"Welcome to Yohana! How many for you tonight? Right this way, please… Enjoy your meal."

It wasn't so bad. She repeated this routine for the next few customers, all lovey-dovey young couples on Valentine's dates who'd likely be fucking the night away as soon as they were done here. Morgan was pondering what might have been if she'd gone on a date with Inigo tonight instead of working, when she was suddenly slapped with an unusual request.

"I'd like to place a to-go order, please."

A what? Her routine was broken, and Morgan Abank was at a loss. She ran back to Lon'quiqui, who had to explain the concept of to-go orders to her. She understood that bit easily enough, but that one break in her concentration was all it took for Morgan to be swept away by the tide of impatient customers, dirty tables, and a dozen to-go orders that she couldn't tell apart. She begged Lon'quiqui for his help.

"Please, Lon'quiqui! I have no idea what's going on!"

Lon'quiqui, the brave soul, abandoned his post, leaving only Gaius to prepare sushi for the entire restaurant, and went to rescue Morgan Abank.

Nine o'clock finally came. Morgan was pitifully sweeping up rice and debris from the floor, reflecting on what an utter failure of an employee she turned out to be. With such poor performance she couldn't expect to hold down a job anywhere, much less get paid terribly much.

"Here, Morgan," Lon'quiqui approached her and held out a coin pouch. "Go home. I don't need you looking all sad in here for the rest of the night."

Morgan accepted the pouch and peered inside. She gasped. "Lon'quiqui! This is… This is 2000 gold! Why are you giving me so much?! I barely even did anything!"

"That includes your reimbursement for pain and suffering," Lon'quiqui replied.

Morgan Abank gave a whoop and she was out the door, freed forever from work and 2000 gold richer. All she needed was 2000 more and Pega-Fair would be in reach! And she knew just how to get it.


End file.
